Dis’ease’ to please.

Very recently precisely September 4, 2021 I said to someone, who was wondering why social media has become so pervasive and the amount of negative energy that seem to vibrate through it.

I answered.

‘The world is a lonely place. And most of us can’t sit in our heads because of the dark thoughts that may drown us.

The imposter syndrome I think is what makes social media alluring. We all low key think we don’t deserve a place at the table; social media seems to be a table all is acceptable/accepted.’

We all like to think that we are okay, and we don’t care what anybody thinks. And of course, the narrative pervading our cyberspaces, religion and faiths all point to what Polonius said in the Shakespeare classic Hamlet ‘to thine own self be true’

While I am 100 percent in tune with the ethos of this phrase, and as I’ve always heard all my life ‘tunmise you live like you don’t care what people say or think, you live your life’. Again, this is true.

However, what I think might be truer is that we all have some form of need to please. Even if it’s just someone. There’s that one person whose opinion of you will make or rock your core -for the good or bad.

In being true to oneself, it might be more realistic if we embrace the truth that even in wanting to fulfil purpose, destiny, passion, mission et al, there is a covert deeper need to please so that we can be accepted. So that whatever it is we want to ‘sell’ will catch on fire and change the world.

Indeed, this is very noble.

One thing that seem to bother me though- this is extremely subjective- meaning it might not resonate with you, is that: some have thoroughly ‘selfishsied’ this amazing phrase to mean, I care for no one, I will live and the consequences of my actions doesn’t concern others.

Consequences here are good and bad. And I think that’s where I cringe. How is it even possible in a world of 7billion and counting, that even in being true to oneself, one wouldn’t impact another? The very fact that this phrase is still being used centuries after it was written/said tells us every single thing we do impacts someone at least.

We literally die to self, when we choose that person whom we can ‘allow’ to push our buttons- The ‘Mumu’ button and the motivational button- There’s that one person you are loathe to disappoint.

I use these words ‘choose’ and ‘allow’ because this can be deliberate or subconscious.

To a person who never experienced positive reinforcements as they grew up, they probably will subconsciously want to prove themselves worthy of being and May subconsciously too overcompensate or live a life that explores and exploit others to notice them and align to their ‘truth’.

On the flip, someone who exudes so much confidence and seem to have everything together might low key be fighting the approval or acceptance addiction with their bravado and achievements.

Again, this is not everyone. And I do not intend to generalize.

Our need to be loved, seen and known is an innate one, because we were designed for companionship and community. We (I) are /am so terrified of being misunderstood that we wear masks. Every circumstance or situation has different masks, and we carry these masks in our mind’s bag and like the masquerade in a village square, dance to the rhythm of social (village drummers) music, the drums and chants of our village people will determine the gyrating representation behind our masks in a dance.

Even when a masquerade falls, he turns it to stunt/ creative skill.

It is not wrong.

It is the way of existence.

If we can only acknowledge, accept and embrace the people who enhance our authentic self, maybe we will know that there are no need for masks. Maybe if we can identify the people in our village square who play discordant tunes/drums, we might be able to pick the village market day we will attend.

By all means be true to yourself. It is the real strength of your being. I am aware that, that sentence is antithetical to all I’ve just written.

What I think I am trying to get at as I mentioned at the beginning is, if we can consciously, with awareness audit ourselves, try to sit with the dark thoughts that may drown us, we might begin to understand and accept we are worthy of a seat at the table. Not everyone on that table will embrace your presence at that table. There will be people you resonate with on that table too who, will embrace your dis ‘ease’ to please and enjoy the unease, and smile at it. And you will be able to navigate the same to embrace the authentic self that you have identified.

Stop. Breathe. Notice. Reflect. Respond.



Love yourself; love your neighbour; love your country; above all of these; Love God. He is the essence of your being.



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