It’s not you it’s me.

We have heard this statement a whole lot, well I think I have more than I’d love to count.

We have been thought to think that the person who’s making this statement is trying to let us down easily and try not to feel badly about whatever it is they want to say.

While that might be valid. What if they are right? What if it is true that they can’t keep up with the ‘energy’ you are emanating (positive and negative). What if they are truly on the journey to finding themselves and they NEED to do it, on their own terms and pace.

When I was a young adult I think around 20, I fancied myself in love with it this person, and the relationship seemed to be the best at the time, we shared the same faith, had things in common but we were “instanueous dipoles “(that doesn’t Make sense cos I made it up )😂 but it does simply means we were more different than the north and South Pole.

But we thought we could work it. I particularly felt this could work if I could work it. The problem here was I was the one working. This person was a good friend and still is, but it wasn’t just coming together. Yes, they say opposites attract, but I think in the law of attraction room should be given to the “alikeness’ of people in a relationship.

At the time I felt all the feelings of rejection my internal saboteurs were fed to the fullest, you are not beautiful anyway, you are not sophisticated anyway, you with your upbringing, this person couldn’t handle this baggage, you are not worth it… the list of self-deprecating emotions are longer but I’ll stop here.

I look back now, and I’m thankful for this individual, they were brave enough to see, that they couldn’t. And they took the step for their own sakes. And trust me that did both of us a world of good. We settled to be what probably the universe intended us to be ‘friends’.

So yes, when you hear ‘them’ saying that it’s not about you it’s about them, appreciate their forthrightness, they are the one on a journey. And they are the ones who understands what the journey entails. Not you. It’s not about you, it’s about them finding themselves and it might just well also help you sift through your values so you can feed you and what makes you, you.

No one has the responsibility of protecting your perception of the world, that solely depends on you, the fact that you might even be thinking that you are flawed is why they are leaving (and this goes for all types of friendship) might be suggesting to you that you also need to get back to your mental drawing board, when you have done that, and you know you did your best? Let it go. IT IS ABOUT THEM NOT YOU!

It’s a phase, it’s not the end of it, open yourself to the new phase coming at you and allow God/the universe to lead you to a new path that will feed the part of God that is in you. It is not dependent on how you are valued by someone else.

A Yoruba adage comes in handy here, 20 children cannot ‘play’ for 20 years. Basically, because humans evolve and values change and life will shed your dead leaves, pruning if you will.

So, the next time someone tells you it’s not about you it’s about me, believe them, and appreciate them for being brave to accept the strength and weaknesses. It is not a statement of rejection as we have been conditioned to believe.

Let it/them go. And work on your self-talk. Embrace the unique that is you. You also are on a journey of discovery. Settle into it and embrace it.

Love yourself; love your neighbour; love your country; above these, love God; He’s the essence of your being.



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